I turned in my resignation! Whew! There are a couple of schools of thought on quitting one’s job. One group says, “do it! take a chance, rediscover yourself.” Another group says, “don’t quit ’til you have another job in place.” Well I don’t have anything else lined up – in THIS economy. Brave move if I must say so myself. It became a choice between health and wealth, however negligible that was. That last headache, those last heart palpitations, and those last few days of my temper flaring out of control, were enough to convince me that the time had arrived. Oh no, there was one other incident. One day, I was sitting at my desk during my planning period unable to get up to go to yet, another meeting. When I say I was “unable,” I mean literally. I could not will myself to get up. It was the strangest sensation, almost as if I had a stroke. I was thinking about the meeting. I think I intended to be there, but my brain would not communicate with my limbs. I could not get myself up. So I sat at my desk cutting out paper. Even when another teacher popped in to beckon me to the meeting, I could not move. I continued cutting paper.
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You ever have a routine down in your mind that you think you actually did something? Well, I thought I had posted to my blog recently, but apparently, I didn’t. It’s probably because there’s so much on my mind. Almost 100% of it is about work – teaching. I can’t seem to get any other thoughts in my head. This teaching business is so consuming. And guess what? I’m sick of it. I’m at the point where I am seriously considering quitting at the end of this semester — after Christmas break, of course. I earned that break. This work has been the most unsatisfying thing I’ve ever done. Oh, I get along well with co-workers and admin. No problems there. And the kids are not the worse. They are certainly better than that crew I had last year at that other school, but they are still kids, and tweens at that. I started keeping score. This past week was Kids 3 – Teachers 0. One time I read a guy’s blog where he was going on and on about the breaks teachers get. He had a problem with it. He calculated the time off with the pay and decided that we teachers were well paid afterall. I felt he missed some variables in his calculations. Like the price our nerves pay each day dealing with students who resent your trying to teach them something. We’re interrupting them, you know. They’d much rather be gabbing, texting, doodling, day dreaming, or just outright disrupting the learning environment. Or the price we pay each time admin sucks up our little measly 55 minute of planning time. When that happens, guess where all the paperwork ends up? – on our kitchen tables while we juggle leftover chili and red pens. Both get on us and the papers. Who pays for that time? No body. WE donate that. I’m pretty good at keeping myself entertained what with my interests. Most of them are solitary pursuits that I can do alone, which often works just fine for me. I’ve gotten to a point where I enjoy the company of a few good folks, and the rest…bleh, not so much. Hey! But I’m easy to get along with. I love to communicate though, especially online. So to that end, I’ve started registering this site with some popular registrars. Technorati is one of them. I could become one. Ordinarily, I might have a fruity drink, with a dash of liquor, maybe twice a year. No buzz, just a pretense of being grown-up when I’m out with friends. But lately…this job has me salivating for something stronger whenever I go out. I mean I want the real stuff – no chaser. Ok, it’s not that bad. I don’t like being inebriated. I drank too much on a couple of occasions in my early twenties. I don’t care for the stuffed head or the uncoordinated body movements. Still, it just feels like I need something to dull my heightened frustration after a day at that grist-mill they call a place of education. I moved into my new classroom yesterday. That made me happy, but my poor school is such a raggedy school. The white boards are crappy, the desks are crappy, the walls need painting, TVs have no cable, so they’re useless. Too bad too because there are some good teachers and kids there. If ever there was a school population that deserved state-of-the-art, it’s this school. I did find out that they have these little computers that allow students to type papers at their desks. I’m going to look into those. I just know the kids will write more if they can get to type. Plus, the school does have a nice computer lab, which I have used a few times, and plan to use more. Now that I have a room with a ceiling mounted projector AND an Elmo, I will be putting the technology to full use. Can you believe that room was previously occupied by ISS? Total waste. And then the printer in my classroom broke down, and I was informed by IT that it will not be replaced. I tell you, I don’t understand what’s important to this district. As I usually do when I have down-time, I got hooked on a subject and checked it out on the internet. Today, I checked out Beyonce. Why? Well, mostly it started because I was curious about the Kanye West debacle, and then Beyonce calling up Taylor at the awards, so while I was at You Tube, I decided to watch some of her videos. Now, I’m not a big fan of her style of music, although some tunes are entertaining, but I will give her this: the girl is talented. I know some don’t like her scantily clad, gyratting routines, but she’s a classic example of an entertainer (and her handlers) who knows what gets the public’s attention and gets them to buy her records. Plus she’s always come across more sedate and classy in any interview I’ve seen her in. She’s also a good singer, not great, but the girl can belt out a tune. And she CAN dance. I know I could never make any of those moves. And she is drop dead gorgeous, extremely photogenic – the camera loves her – and she knows how to play up to the camera. I call all that combined a true professional. I’ll give her her props, although I’d probably never buy a recording, cause again, not my taste, but she definitely has that ‘IT’ factor and I ain’t mad at her for capitalizing on it. Sho’ beats what I’ve been doing.
I also checked out her sister, Solange. Very good looking woman. Favors B a lot. She has a good singing voice. Her style is more reminiscent of R&B of the 70’s to me. I’m thinking she’s still searching for her real voice. I don’t know what it would take for her to come out of B’s shadow and the inevitable comparisons, but she has skills and could make a serious dent in the industry, considering her manager-daddy, and all the other connections, if she could come out with a chart topper. I wish her luck. Anyway, I have a better appreciation for the Knowles sisters after my little trek across the net. One of the things I dislike about working in the public (and with the public) is that someone will come along and mess up a perfectly ok day with some crap. Now it’s no secret that I dislike my job. But I gotta work, ’cause I have to feed this pesky little habit called eating. Plus, there are these strangers that keep sending correspondence to me asking me for money (mortgage, utilities, etc.). So because I dislike my job, I have to perform a lot of mental calisthenics to get up, go, and perform. I must say I do a pretty good job of it. I get decent evaluations. I make friends. I’m an ok employee who subscribes to a work ethic that says “I’ll give you an honest day’s work for an honest day’s pay.” I can’t do any less. It’s not in me. Sometimes in school a test is given and students do poorly, so teachers apply a curve to allow more to pass. I don’t care for that process, but I could sure use one today for myself. See, I’m trying to put some extra features on this site, i.e. ads, and the instructions are as clear as the water in a neglected swimming pool — with a dead fox in it. (yeah, I actually saw a pool like that and with that creature floating around). At first, I thought I had done everything all wrong because nothing showed up. So after posting for some help, I came back to my site and saw the banner. Yippee! Upon closer examination, I saw that it was an ad for horses. Uh, I ain’t got no horses for sale. I’m guessing it either had to do with my using my site name as one of the channels, or the coding actually pulling from my site name. I dunno. Ok, I just viewed it again. It looks correct on one page now. It’s still showing a blank on another page. So I guess the operative word here is “wait!” It’s coming. Patience grasshopper. Phew! It’s funny how dumb you can feel when you’re delving into uncharted territory. I was starting to feel like the fox – dead in the water. |
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