I turned in my resignation! Whew! There are a couple of schools of thought on quitting one’s job. One group says, “do it! take a chance, rediscover yourself.” Another group says, “don’t quit ’til you have another job in place.” Well I don’t have anything else lined up – in THIS economy. Brave move if I must say so myself. It became a choice between health and wealth, however negligible that was. That last headache, those last heart palpitations, and those last few days of my temper flaring out of control, were enough to convince me that the time had arrived. Oh no, there was one other incident. One day, I was sitting at my desk during my planning period unable to get up to go to yet, another meeting. When I say I was “unable,” I mean literally. I could not will myself to get up. It was the strangest sensation, almost as if I had a stroke. I was thinking about the meeting. I think I intended to be there, but my brain would not communicate with my limbs. I could not get myself up. So I sat at my desk cutting out paper. Even when another teacher popped in to beckon me to the meeting, I could not move. I continued cutting paper.
I eventually got to the meeting – about 15 minutes later. That was a weird experience.
Oh I have some goals set. One of them is to find another job, but actually that’s like #4 on my list. Or #3. Might end up being #1 in another month or so. Meanwhile, I plan to get better at this Internet thing. Mostly I want to learn CSS – thoroughly. Right now I can code HTML pretty darn good, but I need to add some languages to my arsenal. I also want to learn Php and J Query. (everyone keeps telling me that J Query is fun). I own a couple dozen domains, several of which I hope to launch this year. I’ll probably try to sell the other ones. I went through this phrase where I had (or so I thought) all these cool ideas for site names, and since they’re so cheap, I bought’em up. I was really surprised that a couple of them were available. What? Nobody else thought about these names? I’m not delusional (not totally); there might be other reasons why no one was interested in those names.
I turned in my notice at the first of December, and honestly, I’ve been feeling better ever since. Just knowing that I don’t have to deal with lesson plans, meetings, grading papers, and babysitting – uh, teaching, kids has been a huge load off my central nervous system. My evenings and weekends are free again. I can think. I can stay up late, which suits me much better. I can sit and stand at my leisure. I was always on my feet in the classroom. But more than anything, I don’t have to force-feed education to an unwilling, and often unruly, group. There’s absolutely NO fun in trying to teach anyone who doesn’t want to learn. Yeah I know. I was dealing with kids. Why did I expect them to be all gung-ho about getting an education? Honestly, I would have been ok if the disinterested would have just sat there and allowed me to teach the 2 or 3 who wanted an education. But noooo, they had to behave badly. If you’ve read any of my other postings, you know that I was truly getting burned out from dealing with the unrelenting bad behavior.
Truth be known, I had a good administration. My principal and vice principal are consummate professionals who really listen to their staff. They are very approachable and very sharp. If I could have just worked with them, and not the kids, I could have stayed. Yep, teaching would be a breeze if it wasn’t for the students. (I read that somewhere)
One funny thing happened the day we were let off for Christmas break – my last official week of teaching. I was sitting on my couch marinating in my new freedom when it hit me, “now what?” I had to laugh because the first thing I saw in my head was Dustin Hoffman’s scene from The Graduate after he got the girl and hopped on the bus. Sometimes there’s more excitement in getting there than actually arriving. Still, I feel good about my decision. I will definitely miss the little itty-bitty paycheck. It did keep me afloat, but not having it will not necessarily change my very simple lifestyle. Not right away. (I knew I wasn’t making enough money when it took me three years to save $1600 for some much needed windows). I will take this one day at a time. I will do at least one productive thing each day. It will add up. I’ll be ok.
Brave move, but you got to do what you got to do. I wish you luck!
I don’t know how long you were a teacher, but I can completely relate to your experience. I submitted my resignation after 20 years in the classroom. I am a Nationally Board Certified Teacher, and I wanted to be a teacher since I was 5; my mom was a teacher; my aunt was a teacher. It’s in my blood and in my soul! But how miserable I was for so long! I wish I could still be a teacher in a school where I made the rules! Like you described, I too could not stand going to one more pointless meeting, one more parent conference where I was at fault for teaching, one more day forced to water down a curriculum designed for gifted students, but being taught to students whose parents did not want them to learn. I could no longer deal with the hypocrisy and the politics. I can go on and on with stories of the injustices I endured over 20 years with students, parents, administrators and even my fellow colleagues. I did not have good administrators…my assistant principal told me I was teaching too much…tone it down! That was the last straw for me! He had been a teacher for less than 10 years, and he was giving me tips on how to be more caring! I am a freakin’ NBCT! No one cared or valued my expertise!
I have decided like you to take it one day at a time. I no longer have chest pains due to stress; I’ve lost 7 lbs, and I am happy to get up in the morning not dreading the day ahead like I used to. I could no longer cope with being a part of the hypocrisy. I have empowered myself by starting a blog to empower other teachers. Please consider becoming a follower. You sound like we went through similar experiences. I would love to hear more of your thoughts and ways to empower those who aren’t as lucky as we to be able to tell the system, take this job and shove it. It took me 20 years to be able to do this! Check out my site:
theempoweredteacher.blogspot.com
You know, we teachers, or ex-teachers, probably could read from the same script. It’s the same all over. I’ve spoken with teachers on each coast, and from north to south. It sucks in the public, and many private school systems. There’s definitely a disconnect between all the players.
I just got tired of it all. The utter laziness of too many of today’s students is just appalling. All that classroom management, lesson planning, being subjected to any and every negative thing that could come down the pike, was just too much for me. Plus, another thing happened. A friend of mine came down with a debilitating disease that has left her paralyzed since June, 2009. She’s younger than I am. I got to thinking, man, if I got that ill under my then circumstances, I’d be pizzed off. Miserable and sick too! No thanks.
One thing about being a teacher, you/we can teach ourselves just about anything. So it’s only a matter of finding or rediscovering your passion and nurturing it. We’ll be ok. We are survivors.
Thanks for stopping by. I’ll be sure to check out your site. Good luck with it!
You got that right! Thanks for responding! Good luck to you as well!