Meet Cron-Zilla

You ever have a routine down in your mind that you think you actually did something? Well, I thought I had posted to my blog recently, but apparently, I didn’t.

It’s probably because there’s so much on my mind. Almost 100% of it is about work – teaching. I can’t seem to get any other thoughts in my head. This teaching business is so consuming. And guess what? I’m sick of it. I’m at the point where I am seriously considering quitting at the end of this semester — after Christmas break, of course. I earned that break.

This work has been the most unsatisfying thing I’ve ever done. Oh, I get along well with co-workers and admin. No problems there. And the kids are not the worse. They are certainly better than that crew I had last year at that other school, but they are still kids, and tweens at that. I started keeping score. This past week was Kids 3 – Teachers 0.

All the teachers complained about the behavior. Talking back, slacking off, disrupting the class – over and over and over. It was never ending. Kids don’t care about demerits, ISS, OSS, phone calls home, nothing. Meanwhile, I’m getting headaches, I have lost ALL my patience, and I’m turning into a raving maniac. I mentioned to the principal that I was ‘eating’ children (that’s my way of saying I was standing no nonsense), and she said “good. Let’em know who’s boss.” That comment actually deflated me.

Saturn eating one of his children by Francisco Goya

It is so against my nature, or at least I thought so in a previous life, to be a raving, vengeful lunatic. People had always commented on my calm demeanor and cool presense.  Grace under pressure. That’s who I always thought I was. These kids are showing me a side I do not like and am not all that familiar with. I don’t know how to control ‘her.’ Lemme see, I’m going to give this alter ego a name. Cron-zilla, a combination of Cronus, who ate his children, and godzilla. Zilla for short. So Zilla comes out almost at the start of the day after the first bell rings. I get tired of repeating myself. I get tired of looking at eye-balls rolling because I’m telling people to get to work. Tired of saying ‘ be quiet, spit out the gum, stay in your seat, stop drawing on the desk, keep your hands to yourself, pay attention, where’s your paper?, where’s your pencil?’ Kids wanting to fight, cursing, fidgeting, moody, angst-ridden, dysfunctional kids– EVERYDAMNDAY.  No!  EVERYDAMNMINUTE. Just when I thought I’d got my little classroom management down, these urchins prove me wrong.  I cannot digest them. They will not stay down. THEY will not be conquered and they are winning.

Now I can appreciate a spunky kid. I like kids with verve. I don’t like rude, obnoxious, disobedient kids, whose behavior keep me from doing my job – keep me from helping them meet these darn NCLB standards. I absolutely loath kids talking back, which seems mostly to be a girl problem. I don’t tolerate it. It’s one of the fastest ways to get written up or have a phone call made to one’s parents.

Ok. Mostly my classes are orderly and at least fronting like they are on task. I’ve gotten ‘compliments’ about my classroom management. But it’s taking a toll. A heavy one. I don’t think my health is worth having an orderly class. I think I might be developing some health issues. I hate to name it, cause I don’t want to claim it, but let’s just say, I can feel my blood coursing through my body. I can hear my heartbeat in my head. That can’t be good. No, I haven’t been to the doctor yet – not this semester. Last semester I did go. He gave me drugs. Darn shame, but I had to take those drugs just to get through the day. I don’t want to take drugs again. I’m quitting.

I have no idea what I’ll do for income. That part is worrisome. I just figure I need to get out now while I still have health enough to come up with something else. I don’t know what else to do. I do know I can’t continue teaching.  God bless those who do and can continue.

Zilla, out!