My 2nd husband and I are divorced. The usual suspects were the cause: money, cheating, etc. I could go on and on about ‘how he done me wrong,’ but instead, I will talk about something he gave me – something good.
As his wife, I was able to stay at home for the first time in my adult life. Even though our kids from different marriages were grown and on their own, I savored the idea of not having to work outside the home. However, after relishing in the peace and the rest for the first few weeks, keeping my house spotless, preparing tasty and nutritional meals, I grew bored. I grew so bored that I developed a mild depression.
So one day, I was telling him about this malaise; he listened, and then he told me something that has remained with me to this day, 10 years after our divorce. “Think, use this time to think,” he said. At first I found his suggestion incredulous. I thought. I thought all the time. It was my thoughts that had me feeling like a lost sheep. He went on. “See, most people don’t have time to really think. They just go through their routines, doing what they do, rushing here and there, but never really thinking about what they’re doing, or anything not related to what they’re doing.” I listened. “See, I bet if you actually put your mind to it, you’d come up with something that would stimulate and satisfy you.”
So to make a long story short, I started thinking. I was surprised to discover that I wasn’t all that good at it. He was right. I knew how to think about what I’d thought about all along, but I didn’t know how to think about new uncharted territory. I started reading to aid in my thinking. I started listening closer to conversations, even tv. Soon, I found myself having questions, seeking out answers, thinking through what I found. And those thoughts led to other thoughts. I took classes to expand my thinking. I discarded some things, held on to others. Before long, I had, indeed, embarked on something new, different, and engaging. I also re-discovered a talent I had dismissed as something you do while sitting in a boring class, and that was art. I had always had artistic ability, but I had never, ever, done anything with it. I discovered doll-making. As I learned more and more about dollmaking, many sides of my artistic ability rose to the surface. I had loosen something basic in me. I felt free, renewed, and emboldened. And that’s just ‘one’ of the things I re-discovered.
The main difference between thinking and dreaming is sleep.
I’m imagining that many of the world’s greatest people were great thinkers. Picture it. Ben Franklin’s sitting at his window watching a thunderstorm. Lightening strikes. It sparks, no pun intended, his curiousity. He talks to his associates about this curious natural event. Someone suggests that he contact John Doe in England, because he had written some books on the subject. Now mail delivery being what it was in those days, Franklin had time to continue pondering lightening. When the books finally arrived, he had already developed a few theories of his own, which he recorded on reams of paper, and compared them to those by John Doe. He gave the information careful consideration – thinking deeply on each aspect. He filed seemingly irrelevant pieces, and marinated on the rest. Then one day, after months of thinking and consulting, he strolled out to the field during a storm, hiked a kite with a key on it, and stood there waiting.
Ok that story isn’t true. Well the kite part is fortunately for us, because his brave (yes brave…he did have metal on that kite) curiousity led to the discovery of electricity.
Now here’s the kicker. It was always there — electricity, that is, just like my artistic ability. I didn’t invent anything brand new, and neither did Franklin. Mind-numbing routines kept me from seeing what was already there. Habit kept me from allowing myself to have ‘foreign’ thoughts. I was doomed to remain in that locked existence until my dear ex-husband gave me that gift. And I’ve been thinking ever since. Sometimes I can’t stop. Sometimes it wakes me up at night. Rather than whine about that, I just keep a notepad next to me.
They say we only use about 2% of our actual brain power. I think I might be up to about 45%. (I don’t know. I don’t know how you measure one’s thinking capacity). I’ve actually put a few things that I thought about into motion, and reveled in the accomplishments, big and small. Today, I’ll think about anything. I ain’t skurred. And I’ve learned a lot along the way. Things I would have dismissed because they required much heavy mental lifting, I now devote time to. Consequently, I have an opinion on just about everything, much to the dismay of my loving family and friends. (that’s a fallout you have to be mindful of…or you’ll find yourself having loads more time to think due to your diminished social life).
What his gift has given me is courage. If you can think a thing through, if you can allow yourself to dream about new uncharted territory, you discover your strengths and weaknesses, and even the weaknesses are something you can think on and fix. I have thought myself into new projects, new cities, new relationships, and have enjoyed the success and learned from the failures. I feel braver. I feel adventurous. I trust myself more because I have learned more about myself.
Oh yeah, as a footnote, I used my thinking prowess to figure out a way to leave that man of mine. I thank him for one of the greatest gifts.
Done any thinking lately?
